Four guys, a girl and an air mattress

I will tell you now, every baseball wag will nod at that title in resigned understanding. If you’ve dated anyone ever, you’ve probably encountered some issues with roommates. But oh do they raise the stakes in baseball. Contrary to what you might think, Nik and his teammates do not throw cash in the face of passer-bys or roll around at their cribs in dolla, dolla bills ya’ll. I don’t have exact statistics for you, but they might get paid less than migrant farm workers.

So, how do these boys save money, you wonder. Well, on housing of course. Nik, for example, has slept on an air mattress in the living room this entire season. That sacrifice was rewarded by a reduction in rent compared to his roommates. Worth it? I’m not convinced but he sure thinks so. Do you know how fun it is when you want to watch a movie after dinner and you arrive to find 20 drunk people, at least five of whom you’ve never seen before, hanging out in (for all intents and purposes) your bedroom? Super fun is the correct answer of course.

Currently, Nik gets to share the living room with a fellow pitcher, also sleeping in style on an air mattress. They have no dishes. I take that back, they have plastic utensils. I try to avoid going to the bathroom if it’s anything less than an emergency because I have to wash my hands with Dawn and I’m scared that whatever decorates the toilet bowl is going to give me a disease. There is no furniture unless you count the air mattresses and two cheap red papasan chairs (Google it). There is no internet (thank heavens for an iPhone) but they do have cable (!).

In the old apartment, there were also no lights in the living room, which created a nice ambience of romance and horror movie. There was a lamp at one point but it was commandeered to light the bedroom of someone whose lamp met an untimely end. I’ll give you a hint, it was Mr. B. in the bedroom with the golf club.

Anyway, the living situation of your average minor leaguer is not ideal, to say the least. But our quality of life will improve significantly once we get married (at least we will probably have dishes and lights). I once heard a story of a WAG who lived with her baseball husband and three other players even after they were married. I can only say that I might rather chew off my own arm than take part in that arrangement. I’m sure we’ll look back on these frat house roommate days with affection some day. Some day in the very, very distant future.

That's kinda what Nik's bed looks like.

Oh and adding to the humor (is this funny?) of all this, Nik’s air mattress groans every time he moves. Adding to the disgustingness, I once found a dead bug on said air mattress. Classy Nikolas.